Friday, 19 August 2011

Recession

This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the roadside.

He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.

He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.

His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.



But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs.

He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.

His sales and profit went up.

He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more.

He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.

He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.

As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his father.

Then something strange happened.

The son asked, "Dad, aren´t you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"

The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible.

The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."

The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV.

He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.

So the next day onwards, the father cut down the his raw material order and buns, took down the colourful signboard, removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic.

He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs.

Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hotdog stand.

And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.

The father said to his son, "Son, you were right".

"We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."

MORAL OF THE STORY: It´s all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than it is.

Status

Aik admi ki wife mar gayi
Dost usko chup karane k baad:
Tujhe kuch chahiye?
Admi:
Jaldi Laptop le aa.
.
Facebook pe status change kar k Single karna hai...!!

facebook tips

When a girl accepts your Friend Request, It means she accepted your FRIENDSHIP, and not your PROPOSAL.

When a girl sends you a Friend Request... It means she wants to be your FRIEND and not your GIRL FREIND.

When she comments on your posts... It means she's just being SOCIAL and not FLIRTING.

When she likes your comment... It means she likes YOUR COMMENT and not YOU.

So, respect 'Friendship' and don't start searching for 'Relationship' in it!

jab bacha peida hota hai...

Jab bachcha paida hota hai to sare
Privaar wale usko daikhne aate hain....

Bacche ka baap kehta hai:
“mere bete ka chehra to mere par gya hai.”

Chacha kehta hai:
“is k hath paon tou bilkul mere par gaye hain.”

Maa kehti hai:
“iss ki naak mere par gayi hai.”

Dada kehta hai:
“is k kaan merae par gaye hain.”.

Phir jab wohi bachha thora bada ho kar sharartain krta hai to...

sare privaar wale kehte hain:

“Pata nahi kameena kis par gaya hai..."

women in the heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Nanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm shakira. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.

But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

PRICELESS! .... ;")

lesson :what we ll see

Once upon a time, there was a farmer in the central region of China. He didn't have a lot of money and, instead of a tractor, he used an old horse to plow his field.

One afternoon, while working in the field, the horse dropped dead. Everyone in the village said, "Oh, what a horrible thing to happen." The farmer said simply, "We'll see." He was so at peace and so calm, that everyone in the village got together and, admiring his attitude, gave him a new horse as a gift.

Everyone's reaction now was, "What a lucky man." And the farmer said, "We'll see."

A couple days later, the new horse jumped a fence and ran away. Everyone in the village shook their heads and said, "What a poor fellow!"

The farmer smiled and said, "We'll see."

Eventually, the horse found his way home, and everyone again said, "What a fortunate man."

The farmer said, "We'll see."

Later in the year, the farmer's young boy went out riding on the horse and fell and broke his leg. Everyone in the village said, "What a shame for the poor boy."

The farmer said, "We'll see."

Two days later, the army came into the village to draft new recruits. When they saw that the farmer's son had a broken leg, they decided not to recruit him.

Everyone said, "What a fortunate young man."

The farmer smiled again - and said "We'll see."


Moral of the story: There's no use in overreacting to the events and circumstances of our everyday lives. Many times what looks like a setback, may actually be a gift in disguise. And when our hearts are in the right place, all events and circumstances are gifts that we can learn valuable lessons from.

SAMSUNG galaxy xcover: waterproof



Samsung has announced its plans to update the Galaxy lineup with the Galaxy Xcover, one of the world's few rugged Android touchscreen smartphones. It's an IP67-certified dust- and waterproof 3.65-inch device running Android 2.3. It looks like the Motorola DEFY/DEFY+ and the upcoming Sony Ericsson Xperia Active rugged Android smartphones could be getting some "tough" competition.

The IP67 certificate means that the Galaxy Xcover is completely protected against dust and dirt, and can be immersed in water to a depth of one meter (3.28 feet) for 30 minutes, which should be more than enough to resist accidental splashes. Running Android 2.3 (Gingerbread), the new arrival in the Galaxy family comes with a 3.65-inch HVGA (480 × 320) LCD touchscreen which is made of scratch-resistant, tempered glass "four to five times tougher than regular glass," while its 3-megapixel autofocus rear camera is LED flash-equipped, and doubles as a torch.



The phone's specs include:

HSDPA 7.2Mbps / HSUPA 5.76Mbps support
800MHz CPU
3.65" HVGA TFT LCD
Android 2.3 OS (Gingerbread); (Samsung Social Hub app on board)
3-megapixel LED flash-equipped camera with 30fps VGA video recording
150MB of built-in storage, micro SD card reader (up to 32GB)
3.5 mm jack, FM Radio with RDS
Bluetooth 3.0 +HS, USB 2.0, WiFi 802.11 b/g/n
Battery: 1500 mAh
Dimensions: 121.5 x 65.9 x 11.95 mm (4.78 x 2.59 x 0.47 in); weight: 135 grams (4.76 oz)

POLITICIANS (JOKERS)





































Friday, 12 August 2011

propose

A boy's eye is
Faster than Google in searching a
Beautiful girl in crowd...
:
But
...:
A boy's heart is slower than
Governments bus while
Proposing a Girl whom he truly
Loves.

which end

My Teacher pointed at me with a Ruler & said:
“At the End of this Ruler is an Idiot” I still don’t get why I got rusticated.
I only asked him, “Which End Sir?”

how to smoke in an aeroplane

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a plane: "I think everyone's asleep,
 let's go! This one's empty... no-one's looking... you go in first.

It's a bit cramped - let me sit down. Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on."

Sniff... sniff...

"Ah perfume - you think of everything!" "This is great....." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker; then a new voice: "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet,
 we know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations!Now put those cigarettes out and
take the condom off the smoke detector!"


....and what were you thinking in your dirty mind?

Santa's innocent wife

Preeto Santa's wife was going to her parents

and

was packing her suitcase with needfull.

Santa goes to his friend Banta and says

Preeto is so innocent, loving, carring that she

even takes condoms with her for rememberring me !!!!!!!!!!

nun raped funny

A nun got raped.
The priest goes to the hospital to know her welfare.
Preist:"How is she? Doctor can I see her"
"You may father, she is err...very well" said the doc.

The father goes in and comes out after some time.
He desperately is looking for the doctor.

He finally finds him in his chamber.
The father barges in to his chamber.
The doctor was flustered seeing the father all high strung and upset.
"What is wrong father? Is some thing the matter?I had found her very well in my morning rounds.
 If all goes well we may discharge her from the hospital very soon"

Father with a grave look " Do you have a plastic surgeon in the hospital"
"We do"said the doc " But why? The sister doesn't need any."
 "Doctor, I need that big constant smile to be wiped off her face before she is discharged."

Birth control pill :)

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

KATY PERRY























BIOGRAPHY - KRISTEN STEWART

Ever since Kristen Stewart was cast as the gloomy, vampire-loving Bella Swan in the colossal Twilight series (the three films have earned over $2 billion combined), she’s become both an idol and nemesis to tweens and twi-hards the world over. Both the girl who gets to have Edward and Jacob swoon over her on screen, and the object of Robert Pattinson’s affection in real life, Kristen Stewart is one of the most polarizing actresses of her generation.

It’s just one of two striking contradictions that underlie Stewart’s position in Hollywood, the other being her, well, position in Hollywood. Awkward walks down the red carpet and cringe-worthy award show duties have led many to conclude that Stewart is massively uncomfortable in the spotlight. Maybe starring in the absurdly popular film series wasn’t the best idea; Stewart has been a favorite of the stalkerazzi ever since.

















hot


  
  

  


 




 
 


Saturday, 6 August 2011

MALE OR FEMALE

JOKES

Customer  : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter       : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer  : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter       : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer  : No, I can't.
Waiter       : Then does it really matter?

Customer  : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter       : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer  : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter       : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

Customer  : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter       : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer  : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter       : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer  : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter       : Funny?  But then why aren't you laughing?

Lady           : Is this my train?
Station Master    : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady           : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master  : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Teacher        : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter             : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Wife             : Do you want dinner?
Husband     : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife             : Yes and no.

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

Customer        : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master    : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer       : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master    : Why not?
Customer       : It's addressed to Mumbai.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl    : Do you love me?
Boy     : Yes Dear.
Girl    : Would you die for me?
Boy     : No, mine is undying love.

1st thief    : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief    : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief    : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.


Man  : How old is your father?
Boy  : As old as me.
Man  : How can that be?
Boy  : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher   : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student   : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher   : How?
Student   : Ladies first.

Waiter    : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy!  Daddy!  I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."

Veggies - Hindi style!!!!
Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I'm a..'kela'.

Q: What did the green peas say?
A: Nothing. They just 'mutter'..ed.

Q: What did the potato say when it answered the phone ?
A: 'Aalo..o?'

Q: Where do cauliflowers hang out?
A: In the "Gobi" desert.

Q:  What did the flower say to its girl-friend?
A: Why  do 'phools' fall in love?

Q: What did the fat car say?
A: I`m a 'mota'..car.

Q: What did the confused egg say?
A: I don't 'unda'-stand.

Q:  What language do carrots speak?
A:  Gajar..ati.

Q: What do you call a sardarji with one hair?
A: Ik-bal singh

Q:  What did the first pizza slice say to the second pizza slice so it would move?
A: Pizza - 'HUT'

Divorce letter (funny)

Dear hubby:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.. I've been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. 
These last 2 weeks have been hell. 
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress. 
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone. 

Your EX-Wife 
P.S. don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West 
Virginia 
together! Have a great life!   

Honesty at an interview

1. Why did you apply for this job?

I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it's just that you called me first.


2. Why do you want to work for this company?

I have to work for some company, whoever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.


3. Why should I hire you?

You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.


4. What would you do if this happened?

Well, it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation...


5. What is your biggest strength?

I dare to join any company who pays me well, without thinking about the fate of company.


6. What is your biggest weakness?

Girls 


7. What was your worst mistake and how did you learn from it?

Joining my earlier company and I learnt that I need to switch my job to get more money, so I am here today.


8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.


9. Describe a challenge that you faced and how did you overcome it?

Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.


10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

For the same reason why you left your previous job.


11. What do you want from this job?

No work and good hikes.


12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

Making more money and for that I keep switching jobs every two years.


13. What do you know about our company?

I knew you will ask me this question. So, I've gone through your website.


14. What salary are you expecting?

Well, no one will change his job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting right now. I know you will bargain on whatever I ask.So I have already hiked my current salary by 30%.

How will you survive in this situation?


Make an honest attempt before you scroll down to see the answer
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THINK…
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THINK…
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THINK…MORE…
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OK, SO YOU GIVE UP?
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HERE’S THE ANSWER

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